Be kind enough not to judge me, but strong enough to not lie - Yup, that's my husband!

Sometimes, Courage skips a whole generation - The Help. How true!

The small piece of your heart that you left behind grows bigger everyday, as you stay away from it.

Letters to Forever

Hi Re,

I knew I had to write. There were several things I had to say too. But I kept procrastinating. You have gone to a place called Forever. You aren't coming back. And I felt nothing I had to say was so perfect or precious that you would want to carry to Forever. But I have realised, that this place has a post box that I could keep writing to. Letters never have to be perfect, do they? There is much that I am not able to articulate even today. I feel the waves of your memories every now and then. They jolt my legs with their refreshing coolness and then leave me with the sands, as though they are leaving me forever. I remember you when I am by the sea. I remember you when I see something absurdly colorful; like a blue road with sideways naturally painted with bright yellow flowers. Or a rainbow with so much brightness, arising out of a confused nature. Sometimes, when I find something interesting, you are almost the first person I want to share it with. Every time I count the number of friends I can go home to, I think of your quietly smiling face and count to you in; then lapse into a brief melancholy.

I knew you for such a little time, and yet know you well and love you deeply. Our New Year's Eve, each of us with our own dreams and confusions about our relationships and our men at that time; Our several hangout sessions at cosy cafes and open spaces; You at my engagement laughing and teasing me about Vinod on Skype; Us in your bedroom on Eid wondering how both of us landed up with a Blue Viao of all things; You at my wedding shedding tears; You on letterstocindy; And Ironically, I am the one writing letters to you. I can almost count the number of times I've met you, and yet the memories seem to be endless and full.

You continue to surprise me. When I search for something on my gmail, you pop up. When I log on to watsapp, I see you online and I see your status message 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' and for just a split second, I imagine that it was all just a dream. It's come to be a split second now. But it was much worse when I heard it first. I desperately wanted to think it was a joke. A ghastly joke, because I knew the nice one. You were come to Mountainview the next day to visit me and surprise me. But I knew, because for some sane explainable reason, my husband told me about the surprise. So I thought, this could be a joke with a touch of morbidity to cover the first one up. There are many days I wake up from my sleep and feel I can't distinguish between my reality and dreams. My dreams are always little possible nightmares - like I have gotten caught at work doing FB and now have been issued a warning or that I haven't answered calls from a cousin visiting me, and let her pass the city without having met me or some such embarrassing thing. Your truth was far ghastly, but I madly hoped it was a dream.

I almost did not write because, I thought if I wrote for closure, you would be caged in my memory and forgotten. Memories and nostalgia are nice ways to keep you alive, but they always leave with a dose of pain. And I want to happily remember you, and often remember you. We often cherish our friends because they have qualities that we cherish about ourselves or they have something we don't, but really want to. My attachment to you was also a mixture of these things - Admiration, pride and curiosity. I loved your openness, flexibility and the way you so quickly unlearned and emptied your mind to learn something totally new. I loved your enthusiasm, willingness to experiment and as Reena puts it 'squealing laughter'. You laughed like a child, and got excited like one too. I loved all these things about you and yet, didn't imbibe anything. We never do right? But now I want to, just to keep you alive within me, till I visit you at Forever.

P.S: I'll keep writing to you. I know you always read my blog. And I'll keep posting pictures on FB. You like almost all of them 

I am very excited about the astrology column whenever I see it, my gut wants to know what is going to happen today. Not that they are ever true, not that I remember it enough to find co-relations, not even that I follow their warnings. But I still read them ardently. Mostly I think I look for hope, miracles and nice predictions. Instead, why should not just wake up in the morning every day and tell myself, it is going to be an awesome day today?

Bitter will turn to brittle, not strong

Discipline and Control

It's funny how we seek control, but hate discipline..Isn't discipline controlling yourself?